The hill explodes from an IED I put into it, blasting you relatively intact into outer space. I bring out my old hill and don a spacesuit and through Genre-Savviness completely ignore the sun's heat and KOTH.

I make a turkey sandwich. You instantly become hungry, and are mesmerized by the sandwich. I throw the sandwich into a treasure chest, and you jump into the chest after it. I lock the chest, weld it it shut, drop it into a hole, and pour cement over it. Then I once again take my place as:

Koth.

The hole tunnels through to the other side of the planet. The chest was incinerated in the middle of travel, and I emerge. Because I emerged at the North Pole, I take the place as KOTH.

I call upon the mighty wizard toad, who changes you into a woman. And since this thread was not named "Queen of the hill", I once again take my place as:

Koth.

Bribing the wizard toad, he changes me into a Phoenix which has no gender, and since the Sun's height is taller than all the other planets, and the Phoenix resides in the sun, I reclaim the position of
King of the Hill

Silly birdie, the sun gotz no hills.

And persian enter the battle...

I open a internet cafe next to hill and load zorg on all computer's you people cant resist and start playing zorg for endless hours while i sit on top of hill and play it by my phone!
KOTH

Little does Persian know, Ace is always online, and can always resist zorg long enough to get in meh tank and runz you ovah!

Koth

Tank? Really? hadnt anything more epic? Ok fine, i wipe you out with a simple wwII bazooka and wait for you to show me what you got.
KOTH

They fire lasers from their mouths and wtfpwn you.

Koth.