We have created a new tour (promo) page for newcomers. We have also turned the new tour into a video as a trailer.
Check the new tour page here:
http://www.zorgempire.org/tour
Check the trailer on YouTube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuTNvMdQcpw
Feel free to share the trailer on your blog/twitter/facebook etc
Re: New ZE tour + trailer
#2Very nice. On the resources slide...shouldn't it read "planets' resources" not "planet resources"? I'm just weird that way.
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Re: New ZE tour + trailer
#3Dunno really. I have spoted a potentially one more issue where it reads "in the Zorg Empire"
the seems invalid. But anyway, not a big deal I guess.
the seems invalid. But anyway, not a big deal I guess.
Re: New ZE tour + trailer
#4I'm not really good with english but I think something is wrong with this lines.
"the dark deep space opens in front you, full of mysteries" in front of you?
"what destiny awaits for you out there" the "for" seems kinda off.
"your enemies lurk just nearby" just nearby?
"make friends and allies before too late" I think it should be "before it's too late"
"the dark deep space opens in front you, full of mysteries" in front of you?
"what destiny awaits for you out there" the "for" seems kinda off.
"your enemies lurk just nearby" just nearby?
"make friends and allies before too late" I think it should be "before it's too late"
Re: New ZE tour + trailer
#5[quote="neoshagrath"]I'm not really good with english but I think something is wrong with this lines.
"the dark deep space opens in front you, full of mysteries" in front of you?
"what destiny awaits for you out there" the "for" seems kinda off.
"your enemies lurk just nearby" just nearby?
"make friends and allies before too late" I think it should be "before it's too late"[/quote]
i agree lingo and grammer seems a little off to me...
"the dark deep space opens in front you, full of mysteries" in front of you?
"what destiny awaits for you out there" the "for" seems kinda off.
"your enemies lurk just nearby" just nearby?
"make friends and allies before too late" I think it should be "before it's too late"[/quote]
i agree lingo and grammer seems a little off to me...
Re: New ZE tour + trailer
#6All the text in the tour makes it feel really exciting, and I wanted to commend the crators for doing such a good job with it. However, there are some places where the phrasing is a bit awkward, so I took a swing at rewording it.
Original text has "%" in front, grammar comments are in ():
%Welcome to Zorg Empire !(Zorg Empire is in big letters right above this)
Welcome!
%An online game you can play for free from your browser.(I tried to group the adjectives together)
Zorg Empire is a free, online game you can play in your browser.
%You can play Zorg Empire from every device with an internet connection and a browser
("every" doesn't make sense, you want "any". "Zorg Empire" is already written twice on this slide)
To play, all you need is a device with an internet connection and a browser.
%The dark deep space opens in front of you, full of mysteries…(needed a comma, didn't need an article. got rid of some prepositions.)
Deep, dark space surrounds you, full of mysteries.
%With everything now conquered in your own planet, what destiny awaits for you out there?
("Awaits" doesn't need "for". I kept "awaits" and the "?" by changing destiny to adventure)
You have conquered your own planet, but what greater adventure awaits you?
%Zorg Empire is a real time strategy game set in space(compound adjectives require hyphens)
Zorg Empire is a real-time strategy game set in space
%Before you can do anything, you will need resources…
Good as it is.
%Build mines and harvest your planet resources(I tried to avoid making it " Planets' ")
Build mines to harvest resources on your planets
%Build mines, harvest resources. Select in which mines or buildings you will put your main focus
(Shortened to avoid repeating the same thing twice, "in which" was awkward)
Construct mines and buildings to grow your empire. You will decide how to focus your efforts.
%Build research labs and discover new technologies…
(changed "and" to "to". You can't discover tech without building labs)
Build research labs to discover new technologies…
%A long variety of technologies. Forge your own path.
("long" is wrong, you want "large" or "great". Long implies literal distance)
There are many technologies to choose from. Forge your own path.
(I love "Forge your own path")
%Be warned… in the Zorg Empire you are never alone… Make friends and allies before too late… your %enemies lurk just nearby… (Changed wording to avoid "just nearby")
Be warned: you are never alone in Zorg Empire. Make friends and allies before it’s too late… your enemies are closer than you think.
%Cooperate and compete with thousands of players that play in the same time
("in the same time" is a bit confusing. "in real time" is an idiom, and I think it's what you meant)
Cooperate and compete with thousands of players from around the world in real time.
%Eventually you will discover that space can be very hostile…(this is fine, but "eventually" sounds boring)
You will soon discover that space can be very hostile…
%Prepare for a long and difficult battle…(I like this)
Prepare for a long and difficult battle...
%Build up defenses on your planets and create fighting fleets. Battles in Zorg Empire are very %common and very fierce
("fighting fleets" sounded weird. otherwise it's technically fine, but I still changed it)
Arm yourself with defenses on the ground and fleets of warships above. Battles are common and fierce in Zorg Empire.
%How far can you go?
Fine as it is.
%Select the universe that suits you more and become an emperor today!
("more" would make more sense if there were two universes. you want "best".)
Choose from four unique universes and become an emperor today!
These are suggestions, and I believe I made note of the specific errors if you just want to change the things that are technically incorrect.
Hope it helps!
Original text has "%" in front, grammar comments are in ():
%Welcome to Zorg Empire !(Zorg Empire is in big letters right above this)
Welcome!
%An online game you can play for free from your browser.(I tried to group the adjectives together)
Zorg Empire is a free, online game you can play in your browser.
%You can play Zorg Empire from every device with an internet connection and a browser
("every" doesn't make sense, you want "any". "Zorg Empire" is already written twice on this slide)
To play, all you need is a device with an internet connection and a browser.
%The dark deep space opens in front of you, full of mysteries…(needed a comma, didn't need an article. got rid of some prepositions.)
Deep, dark space surrounds you, full of mysteries.
%With everything now conquered in your own planet, what destiny awaits for you out there?
("Awaits" doesn't need "for". I kept "awaits" and the "?" by changing destiny to adventure)
You have conquered your own planet, but what greater adventure awaits you?
%Zorg Empire is a real time strategy game set in space(compound adjectives require hyphens)
Zorg Empire is a real-time strategy game set in space
%Before you can do anything, you will need resources…
Good as it is.
%Build mines and harvest your planet resources(I tried to avoid making it " Planets' ")
Build mines to harvest resources on your planets
%Build mines, harvest resources. Select in which mines or buildings you will put your main focus
(Shortened to avoid repeating the same thing twice, "in which" was awkward)
Construct mines and buildings to grow your empire. You will decide how to focus your efforts.
%Build research labs and discover new technologies…
(changed "and" to "to". You can't discover tech without building labs)
Build research labs to discover new technologies…
%A long variety of technologies. Forge your own path.
("long" is wrong, you want "large" or "great". Long implies literal distance)
There are many technologies to choose from. Forge your own path.
(I love "Forge your own path")
%Be warned… in the Zorg Empire you are never alone… Make friends and allies before too late… your %enemies lurk just nearby… (Changed wording to avoid "just nearby")
Be warned: you are never alone in Zorg Empire. Make friends and allies before it’s too late… your enemies are closer than you think.
%Cooperate and compete with thousands of players that play in the same time
("in the same time" is a bit confusing. "in real time" is an idiom, and I think it's what you meant)
Cooperate and compete with thousands of players from around the world in real time.
%Eventually you will discover that space can be very hostile…(this is fine, but "eventually" sounds boring)
You will soon discover that space can be very hostile…
%Prepare for a long and difficult battle…(I like this)
Prepare for a long and difficult battle...
%Build up defenses on your planets and create fighting fleets. Battles in Zorg Empire are very %common and very fierce
("fighting fleets" sounded weird. otherwise it's technically fine, but I still changed it)
Arm yourself with defenses on the ground and fleets of warships above. Battles are common and fierce in Zorg Empire.
%How far can you go?
Fine as it is.
%Select the universe that suits you more and become an emperor today!
("more" would make more sense if there were two universes. you want "best".)
Choose from four unique universes and become an emperor today!
These are suggestions, and I believe I made note of the specific errors if you just want to change the things that are technically incorrect.
Hope it helps!