My first attempt at fictional literature.

#1
I am a big fan of science fiction stories and follow the role-play story forum on the game i play similar to ZE. I always read them and was fascinated by the writers imaginations, i loved the stories but never really thought to try them myself.

So here it is, my attempt at a piece of fictional literature. You can comment, but please stick to constructive criticism, no flaming it. What do you think? Is it worth continuing, or am i a bad writer? :P

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The Hunt: Chapter One

Nathan stared out over the bridge of his new capital ship. His senior crew were hard at work, preparing for the mission ahead. They were rushing around, talking in fast tones with each other and making sure everything was in place. Most of them were ship operators, though he saw a few engineers adding finishing touches and tweaks to the bridges command consoles.

He walked over to one of the viewports, looking out on what should have been the serene starscape. Instead, his eyes met a hive of activity; hundreds of small drones were flying about the orbital shipyard his new ship was docked in. Nathan watched as two of the drones flew over and locked their magnetic clamps onto his ship, just a few meters away from his viewport. For a moment, they just stayed there, locked in place and not moving an inch, he began to wonder what they were doing when suddenly, a strange looking object began rising from the flank of the ship. The curious object slowly took form, unfolding like a metallic flower before his eyes. Nathan realised that he was watching nanite drones installing a device on the flank of his ship, what seemed to be a strange metallic object growing out of the hull, was in fact swarming with millions of microscopic construction robots.

He continued to watch as what looked like a shield projector emerged. This wasn’t for any old shielding, Nathan thought to himself with a smile. This was a warp dish, designed to allow smaller vessels to accompany his capital ship in hyperspace travel. It had taken decades of research into hyperspace technology for the empires best scientists and engineers to develop this marvel. The dish projected a warp sphere, much like a conventional shield, only much further around the ship. Smaller vessels that were not capable of solo hyperspace travel could be ‘carried’ within the sphere at much faster speeds than normal. The only drawback was that if the warp sphere somehow failed and dissipated during hyperspace travel, the less capable vessels would be completely destroyed by the sheer velocity they were travelling at.

As the drones detached themselves and flew back to their dock, Nathans thoughts turned to the mission that lay ahead of him. He had been given a fleet command position by the empire, and ordered to search for a prisoner that had recently escaped in a stolen Battleship that had meant to transport him to another location within the system. The problem was finding the prisoner; Nathan thought to himself, he had been given command of a class 9 Destroyer, the pinnacle of technology in the empire. The escapee didn’t stand a chance against it. Nathan had been ordered to bring the target back alive, a stupid choice, he thought angrily. It would be so much simpler to destroy him and be done with it.

Nathans thoughts were interrupted by the voice of his best friend and tactical advisor, Mitch, as he approached with that characteristic frown on his face.

Mitch waved the electronic pad he was carrying in front of him, “A report from the fleet sir, they say they are ready for launch at your command.”
Nathan took the pad and lightly tapped a finger on the screen, bringing up a display of the fleets status and position. His fleet consisted of his Destroyer, five Cruisers, two Large Cargos and a Recycler. All were displayed as on standby and in perfect condition.

“Thanks Mitch”, replied Nathan with a grin.

Mitch gave a grunt in response and headed over to his tactical command console.

“How is she looking?” asked Nathan as he followed his friend.

“All weapons systems and shields are fully functional, fuel bays are filled and the engines are in perfect condition”, Mitch stated in the forced professional tone he had been forced to adapt after being put in a senior position.

“That is not what concerns me, how is the warp array looking? I still can’t believe they are equipping us with it after only a week of trial testing”, said Nathan, a worried expression on his face.

“They are in optimal condition”, replied Mitch in the same tone, after punching a few commands in on his console. “There was a slight energy flux in the mainframe when they were first connected to the system, but that is expected with all new installations”.

Nathan grimaced, “Let’s hope that’s the worst we get”.

Mitch gave a slight grin at his captain, “You’ve always been such a pessimist, haven’t you?”

Nathan sighed, “It’s hard to be optimistic when you’re flying into the unknown with a barely field tested device strapped to your ***”.

With that Nathan walked off, leaving Mitch with a smirk on his face, shaking his head as he prepared the ship for their high orbit launch.

Nathan sat down in his command seat at the centre of his bridge; he called out to his communications officer, “Open up a channel to the fleet”.

“Right away sir, channel open” replied the officer.

“Please ready all crew, we are to launch in 2 minutes. I am sending you a set of coordinates. We are to group there after launch for activation of the warp bubble and hyperspace jump.”

The communications officer relayed the coordinates with a few touches of the console screen, “Sir, the fleet have responded and are powering up engines”.

Nathan leaned back on his seat, closing his eyes and wondering what awaited him in the expanses of space. He silently prayed to unknown gods to grant him a safe and swift journey. Here goes nothing, he thought to himself as he gave the command to launch…


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That's all i have for now. :)

-Istalris-
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When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please, i feel inclined to respond no because it's shorter than yes...

Re: My first attempt at fictional literature.

#4
Istalris I must say that when I told you to go for it... I meant it when I said I felt you would do good. You have managed to write well enough to capture my attention. Being an avid book reader, I take it to a serious level. Your storyline thus far is intriguing and I look forward to reading more.
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Just when you thought your were in control... I proved you wrong!

Re: My first attempt at fictional literature.

#6
It grabbed my attention right away and that's the big selling point for me. Some of your word usage was slightly off like “Sir, the fleet have responded and are powering up engines” , I think the word has instead of have in this case. That's more of a concern for proof readers though. The only part I didn't like was Nate and Mitch being lifelong friends (very very very unlikely), I thought it would be better if they were constant companions since there academy days......... gives it an Adama & Tigh feel. So far this is a story I want more of and I'm looking forward to the action and character development.
"The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy."

Re: My first attempt at fictional literature.

#8
I usually read and don't post in the forum but this grabbed my attention and had to comment. I'm a big fan of sci-fi/fantasy fiction. You seem to have a knack for writing. Aside from a few minor errors on grammar, it's very good. You should continue to keep writing and develop the story line. The great thing about writing is that you can always go back and change it as much as you want as you develop the story. Build a basic outline for the general plot and then fill in details. Many writers start with a short stories and expand the story concept into full novels later.

Good luck with the story, hope to read more later.
Mr_Pain

Re: My first attempt at fictional literature.

#9
Sadbutrue wrote:it would be cool if these stories were about you as an emperor of your fleets and planets etc and you were making the book about your decisions and general battles command decisions tactics etc.


i am dyslexic and borderline illiterate so i cant do something like this
well, the good thing is, most ppl in this forum would be able to read and understand your writing SBT. Go ahead and give it a shot! You might suprise yourself.
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