Granted. But unfortunately a major virus strikes your computer and it will not work.

I wish that I had a large fry.

Granted, your single fry is .000000000000000000001 mm larger than a standard fry. Enjoy!

I wish X didn't corrupt my wish so simply

Granted. X changes his name to Y and corrupts it even more simpler.

I wish I had a pizza.

Granted, but the pizza is 50 years old.
I wish that people would stop attacking me so much...

Granted, they attack your planet, not you :p.

I wish I could remember where I put my TV remote.

Granted. But you forget where you put the TV.

I wish I had a new phone.

Granted. But it does not work.

I wish I had uber-quick-speed.

Granted, but you can only run backwards, thus tripping over everything.
I wish I had infinite resources.

Granted, the bashing rule is lifted forever for everyone else but you, and they attack you, gaining half of infinite resources each time The rest of your system is now filled with the top raiders in the game. Enjoy

I wish I had infinite defense to protect my infinite resources that are stored in my infinite storage buildings on my planet with infinite fields and I had infinite friends that would never attack me and would always ninja people who did, and that I had infinite Elite Cargoes to move all of my infinite res and I had infinite trust with the Admin so that he would not ban me. I also have infinite virus protection on my computer.

Granted. Unfortunately, you die.

I wish my damn phone would work like it's supposed to.